IF I CAN SHOOT RABBITS, I CAN SHOOT FASCISTS

Leave those animals alone! And put on your pants for Christ's sake...

Okay - It's time to talk about animal rights. Yes yes, hamburgers don't have rights. Now that we've established that, shut the fuck up.

I think we can take as read that it's bad to go around hurting animals for no reason. If you disagree, you probably have a fine career ahead of you as a serial killer, so run along now.

Should we test cosmetics on animals? Now, let's be clear here - Attractive lab workers take shit they've concocted and smear it into the eyes, noses, mouths etc of cute little bunnies to see if it's toxic or not. If it is, Flopsey's pretty soundly fucked.

Biology 101: Animals have nerve endings. From this we are able to deduce that they can feel pain (Thank you, thank you. No no, try to contain your applause, you'll make it sound rehearsed) So what we're doing is harming them for our own vanity. I mean, why do we need makeup? Every woman I've ever met has looked better without it, and frankly, the less we encourage the goths the better. We live in a user pays society, people - You want to wear make up - Test it on yourself. Sure, maybe your skin will start burning and your eyes will fill with pus, but you pays your money and so forth. The animals being used aren't given a choice.

What about medical testing. Surely it's worth fucking up a few monkeys if we can find a cure for cancer?

Well...

What gives us the right to inject an animal with a disease that we know to be fatal - to condemn it to death? Then to inject it with any number of chemical coctails which will have an unknown effect.

They feel pain - We are hurting them. They are self aware - They may not know why they're being hurt, but they damn well know it's happening. Is it that they're not as intellectually intelligent as humans, that their thought processes aren't as evolved? Well, neither are those of severely autistic human beings. If it's their lack of completely developed rationality that makes it alright, why don't we do it to the severely brain-damaged? Or perhaps people in comas - They're LESS aware than animals.

But wait - They breed animals specifically for research. Hell, these are found animals, surely we can do what we will with animals we bred for a purpose.

Brilliant. But why don't we just breed babies? A newborn child is about up with a newborn lab rat in terms of humanity. And hell, given the amount of things that have worked in chickens, but not in subsequent human trials, it makes a lot more sense to run tests on the species you're actually trying to save.

Sure, rat are only rats. But they feel pain. And babies are only babies, feeling no more or less pain than an animal bred in a lab for research.

You want your AIDS to go away? Inject yourself with the trial cure. I mean, Jesus, what have you got to lose?

--Apathy Jack