Triumvirate

Apathy Jack

Abandoned by horrified parents moments after his unholy birth, Jack was adopted and raised in seclusion by a feral pack of hippy shut-ins.

Versed in the ways of love and tolerance, Jack's isolated upbringing completely sheltered him from the greed of the 80s and nihilism of the 90s.

Emerging at the dawn of the year 2000 as a stylised messiah, Jack traveled the world spreading messages of understanding and peace in an attempt to end the self-destructive apathy that had overcome the world since his birth.

Deciding that they weren't going to stand for this sort of carry-on, the Happiness Agenda put an immediate stop to Jack's mission of love by kidnapping him and re-educating him through the means of cruel emotional torture, electric shock therapy, and frighteningly unnecessary brain surgery.

Emerging once more into the world, Jack now spreads the far more acceptable message of cataclysmic self-mutilation, the inevitable death of hope, and enormous financial donations to the corporate arm of Happiness Holdings inc.

Anthony Music

An insane survivalist voodoo shaman who believes every conspiracy theory he's ever heard, Anthony Music is dedicated to creating an aquarian age of enlightenment through the use of chaos magic. It is his firm belief that he can bring about an end to war and hatred by hanging upside down from his nipples wrapped in plastic, smearing blackcurrent jam over any given orifice, and screaming "Fuck me, Brittney!" to a wall sized photograph of himself wearing a rubber goat costume.

On weekends, he likes to unwind by hanging upside down from his nipples wrapped in plastic, smearing blackcurrent jam over any given orifice, and screaming "Fuck me, Brittney!" to a wall sized photograph of himself wearing a rubber goat costume.

He likes candlelight dinners, long walks on the beach, and hanging upside down from his nipples wrapped in plastic, smearing blackcurrent jam over any given orifice, and screaming "Fuck me, Brittney!" to a wall sized photograph of himself wearing a rubber goat costume.

Hillbilly Barbie

A self-proclaimed savant of questionable gender, Hillbilly Barbie absolutely refutes rumours of attending the now famous wine, cheese, and one-thousand-hours-of-torturous-necrophilia parties of the late 1990s. This is somewhat questionable, as it was Barbie who originally began these rumours. A connoisseur of the finer and more aesthetically pleasing things in life, Barbie can most often be found wandering the Happiness Agenda's zoological gardens, appreciating the newly acquired baboons, lemurs, and Cuban immigrant women.